Thursday, August 25, 2016

Is It Time Yet for the Change.Org Petition to God from Humans?

Dedicated to Michelle Terese Marracchini - get well soon!  

A friend got me thinking about this the other day.  What does it mean to have faith in modern times?  Where is the line between faith &, frankly, having waited long enough?  

Truth be told, it's not just Robin Williams or an "impulsive few.'  Sadly, the agony and annoyance of every day existence all too often approaches intolerable for far too many of us.  

So, what does it take to access Almighty attention these days?  Historically, we've been led to believe that one lonely voice crying in the wilderness, calling attention to our world of woes should be enough. 

But, perhaps times have changed.  Maybe 'doing what we can for God so that God will do for us' means we have to use all means at our disposal. Perhaps we need to become 'savvy' about our 'God-messaging.'  Get to know the "Divine Demographic' whose Audience we are seeking. 

When you think about it, God is pretty busy.  There's a lot on The God Plate.  So, if we want God to hear our messages, they had better be short, sweet, clear, and very, very catchy.  We need to distinguish our needs from all the seemingly important, similar others. 

Our message should also be fun and entertaining.  Because, think about it, God probably gets very little time for that.  As every Creator knows, creation has its price. The seemingly endless list of thankless chores and daily duties that inevitably ensue is, well, the price of all who dare to risk Deity. 

Finally, we need to make sure that we've got 'the numbers' to back up our claims.  With all the demands on modern omniscience, it's neither realistic nor prudent to expect that God will do the grunt work of gathering data or researching facts.  
In sum, we need a marketing strategy designed with the modern Cosmic Consumer in mind.  So here goes with a first draft:  

Change.Org - Petition to God from Humans

Dear God,

After 2016 years, has it gotten hard to remember what it's like to be human...?    Have you kept up your Savior Certifications? Could the Miracle Skill-Set use a bit of a brush up?  Perhaps You might want to consider another visit sometime soon for the Refresher Course.  In case this has been holding you back, there are grants and public assistance available now if you reincarnate some place where finances are short.

There's no better time to schedule us in for some definite dates and start planning your itinerary.  A lot of people are starting to doubt that You really, literally, meant it when you said you were going to come back here.  We know they are weak, doubters and troublemakers, so we defend you every chance we get.  However, we also thought you should know that Santa Claus visits us every Christmas and brings some very nice gifts.   

You may be thinking, "What's a couple thousand years compared to eternity?"  It may interest you to know that the average human lifespan is a bit shorter than yours.  It ranges from 47-87 years, depending on country of origin.  We're sure you are worth waiting for.  But for us, twenty plus centuries is quite a while.  In terms of keeping your numbers up, it could be time for Christianity to poop or get off the pot.  Just sayin...

Very truly yours,

 ~  your 'like' here ~ 

(Remember, God needs to see our numbers!)


  1. I have apparently been on god's "blocked" list for some time; so, I am afraid I cannot help. Occasionally, I send her messages through Larry Drain. I'd like god to read my blog. Why not? If you hate my politics, at least you can still masturbate to it. Whitaker and company cannot say that.

  2. interesting to me because it has a very jewish feel to it, asking for mashiach (messiah) to come already, though it is christian, which of course the christian messiah and second coming was jewish to begin with anyway.

    i like adrienne cooper's version of this but not on youtube: zol shoyn kumen di geule / let salvation (deliverance) come. here's the klezmatics a partly gay & lesbian (loren sklamberg, alicia svigals) band, also good. and here are the lyrics with translation:


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